Rating: - Where's me jumper?
I was really excited as I put this into my DVD player because winter is really drawing in now and I was looking forward to getting a nice warm polo neck with a pretty pattern to go with my new scarf and mittens. What I got instead though was a thin slice of banality.
Jumper has an excellent tag line: Unpopular youth, played by Hayden Christensen, discovers he can instantaneously teleport to anywhere he wants (the 'jumping' of the title') and decides to use this esoteric skill to rob banks. But the reality of the execution though was something of a let down.
Sure it starts off ok. We see the main character some time after his initial discovery having created a good bit of wealth and living the high life. He is then discovered like a grubby school boy caught playing 'pocket billiards' by a mysterious Samuel L. who seems to have a bit of a prejudice against the lad for reasons that gradually become apparent as the movie progresses. And so we embark on a world wide jump fest in order to get to the bottom of the goings on.
Jamie Bell turns up as a more seasoned jumper and is probably about the best thing in the film. He's a cynical loner and likes it that way but is cajoled into helping Christensen fight the baddies. We also have Diane Lane as Christensen's mother in what seems to be a tacked on storyline about the Jumper's origins.
But where it mostly all goes wrong is with young Hayden himself who has yet to show any acting skill whatsoever in any of the films he's been in. The lad even managed to spoil Return Of The Jedi for me merely by being pasted into one of the later scenes for 5 seconds!
So what could have been a good movie is let down considerably by a poor lead and diminishing returns on the plot.
Now when do I get my new jumper?!
Rating: - Charmless, Witless Hokum
The basic premise is interesting and the director's track record promising, which together led me to ignore the negative criticism and waste a rental credit on this turkey. I may not be fully qualified to review this movie as I hated it so much I skipped the last half hour.
You'll be aware that the hero (Annakin Skywalker or whatever he calls himself these days), a lovestruck high school geek, finds himself able to teleport. As any teenage boy might, he uses this gift to get wealthy, get laid and get some surf. We are treated to images of Annakin picniccing on the Sphinx's head and clinging to Big Ben to try and persuade us that he is a charismatic, globe-skipping colossus. In a vain bid to turn this fantastic good fortune into a plot, Samuel L Jackson paints his hair white, produces an NSA ID card and chases Annakin around the world with an electric cane (really), interrupting Annakin's laying and surfing. Matters are further complicated by Annakin's pretty and pointless love interest and Jamie Bell's very confused accent, still in the air somewhere between Darlington and Burbank. Each and every principal is bereft of charisma; perhaps Annakin, who mistakes pouting, sulking and glaring for acting, so lacks charisma that he drains everyone else's. Maybe they were all just mortified by the screenplay, which must have been written by a chimpanzee; not even a talented one, probably one of those 'scab' chimpanzees who worked through the screenwriter's strike. In short, give this a miss. If you want a taste of the sassy, well written, roaming action this director can deliver, revisit 'Go' or 'The Bourne Identify'.
Rating: - Teenage angst. Fights. Credits...
***WARNING - MAY CONTAIN INFORMATION WHICH COULD SPOIL SURPRISES IN THE FILM***
Hmmm...nice idea but sadly let down by a very linear story line. Set in America, a breed of people called "Jumpers" are relentlessly pursued by a breed of humans called "Paladins". I say humans but it's never really explained where any of these figures are from.
Jumpers have the ability to teleport at will around the globe and create a crewneck from whatever is lying about. I made that last bit up but they DO have the ability to leap around the world by the power of thought alone.
This makes them the perfect bank-vault thief and our main character, David Rice, a cocky teenager who clearly loves his newly discovered skill, takes advantage of this and amasses a huge store of wealth.
He's also in possession of a skill which may enable him to ensnare his childhood sweetheart. Millie longs to see Rome...Dave can now wisk her off without even having to cash any of his ill-gotten gains!
Needless to say he is pursued by government forces lead by Samuel L Jackson who sports a head of snow white hair here! We are led through fight scene after fight scene until the director gets bored and the film ends at 1 hour and 20 minutes.
I was left feeling that I had simply watched a short, but admittedly mildly amusing, pilot for an imminent TV series. We will see.
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